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Wait, What? What Do You Mean We Cant Have Children Naturally??

“I hope that your family planning is complete as after the surgery he is no longer able to have children” are the words that made our whole world come crashing down.  These are the words in which we were given two minutes before my partner was to be wheeled into the operating room.  Those are the words that no young couple who were just starting to think about having children should have to hear.   These are the words that you should not be hearing minutes before your partner was about to go under for a major surgical operation.

But before moving forward with this story I will give a bit of background information about who we are and how we got to be in a place where our world came crashing down with those words.

I am 32 year old female happy and content in a wonderful loving relationship.  I had the world at my feet; a wonderful job, happy and loving home life and had finally met the man of my dreams who was supportive and believed in everything that I did.  Todd is 44 and is an amazing guy who puts other peoples needs first before his!! He is my rock, I don’t know what I would do without him! How we met was a whirlwind romance that I only ever dreamed of having but not expecting to meet.  From the first moment we met we clicked and embarked on all the wonderful experiences of a new relationship.  We moved in together after some time of going back and forth to each other’s places.  Not long after I had moved in with him my health issues started to come to the surface and I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.  This all made sense to me as soon as I got the diagnosis! It explained issues like not having regular periods and a few other things that I had with this syndrome.  So I decided that in order to overcome this and to get my health back on track I needed to put myself first! So I embarked on an overhaul of myself! My partner met me when I was at my heaviest and told me that he loves me and fell in love with me for who I am as a person and not what I looked like or how big I was! But in saying this he also was very supportive of my lifestyle journey I was embarking on.  He joined a gym with me and made changes in his life to help me with journey.  So after a lot of sweat, grumpy mood swings (on things like over eating like a kg of vegies a day instead of a chocolate bar, or going to the gym for the 6th day in a row) and tears I was seeing results….losing 5, 10 and 15kgs.  I went back to the doctor and she nearly fell over with the change in my body and health.  All of my issues with cholesterol, blood pressure and other issues I was having had rapidly dropped.   I was starting to have regular periods.  This was all happening and made me feel good about life.  My partner and I started talking about having children and we started to plan (but not plan if this makes sense) having a family, as both felt that we were ready to do this.

However his health started to decline and we found out that he had (at the time and what we were told) issues with his prostrate and would need surgery.  So he was put on the public list and the waiting began.  Over this time he met with a surgeon which discussed the surgery which was called a TURP.  Which involved the shaving of his prostrate and a small cut in his bladder.  My partner asked twice leading up to the surgery about the operation affecting his ability to have children naturally.  Twice he was told that this wouldn’t and he would be able to have children.  So we didn’t think about this and continued on with life as best as we could with his declining health issues.  But soon his health had declined so much that he ended up in hospital for a night and a catheter full time until his surgery.  This was not the news that we had expected, however we both were aware that this needed to happen and once again continue on the journey of life.  This journey included frequent hospital trips due to infections and painful kidney problems.

After a few months of living like this the day of his surgery arrived and we were filled of hope and relief that this day had finally come.  Everything was normal as normal could be with going into surgery. The checks were done and a surgeon who we hadn’t met before (due to my partner seeing a private surgeon but couldn’t afford the fee and went to the public list) came in and introduced himself to us.  He seemed nice and very open and told us exactly what was going to happen.  He then looked at us both and said those words “I hope that your family planning is complete as after the surgery he is no longer able to have children”.  Time just stood still and I think that the surgeon could tell by the look of confusion and heart break in our faces we were not expecting to hear those words.  I said no we are just starting to plan to have children and start a family.  His face just dropped, and he paused for a moment and he then said with the procedure the sperm will not travel out but in fact travel and end up in his bladder.  The chances of us conceiving then will be nil.  My partner and I looked at each other and burst into tears! My heart broke into a million pieces for not only myself but then also for my partner who was being told he could no longer do something he was meant to do!! The surgeon then asked us but at the same time knew the answer by our reactions of if we knew or not! My heart break turned into anger, angry at the private surgeon who told us twice it wouldn’t affect us.  How could he be asked twice and then continue to give us wrong answers of something so important and life changing.  We were left alone by the surgeon to process the news.  I didn’t know what to think or do.  All I could do was lay down on the bed beside my partner and comfort him, catch his tears while at the same time allowing my tears to fall and my heart to break.

The surgeon came back and informed us that because of this news and where we were at in regards to planning a family he decided to put the surgery off and discuss options with us so that we could keep trying for a family.  The options were self – catheterization every three hours or having a catheter placed in his belly until we had finished our family.  But one of the first things I said to my partner was that I needed and wanted him to get better so he had to go through with the surgery.  I knew that if he didn’t go through and we took the other options then he would resent me due to having one of the options.  He said he wouldn’t but I knew deep down he would.  So we decided that we would continue with the surgery and look at options when we had recovered from this event.  However the surgeon decided that because we had this emotional news that we were not in the right head space for surgery to happen.  So we were sent home a few hours later totally heart broken, confused, and at a loss of what to do next.  I must admit that the surgeon was very understanding and gave us his personal phone number and we could call him with our decision.  This made me feel a little bit better knowing we had his support on this discovery.

Over the next few days we were on an emotional roller coaster that we both wanted never wanted to go on.  One thing was certain was that we knew what we wanted and were determined to get answers.  We called the surgeon who then gave us a surgery date of two weeks later! We were over the moon that this date was closer than we thought we would get.

My partner went to his doctor who in turn gave him answers and advise and ended up being referred to a fertility clinic where he got some advice. He decided to freeze sperm.  But this wasn’t an easy process to go through as he had a catheter that had to be taken out before making deposits and then replaced after.  He had to do this three times before the surgery.  I felt so bad and had my heart break all over again every time he had to go through this painful process in order to get his swimmers out into the world.

The new date rolled on for surgery and we were in a much better state for this to happen.  It happened with no issues and currently his health is returning to where it was before we met!

But now I needed answers in regards to what would be the process for us to have children through IVF and what this meant for us to be able to have the children we so want to have.

I know that this is going to be an interesting ride in this journey to parenthood!


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