Feed on

And this is exactly what I am doing!! I chose this year that I would not let my weight affect me in anyway shape or form! I have had some health issues which I believe have had help with how much weight I have had on me! This is  me January 2017…I weighed in at my heaviest….111kgs!! This was something that made me cry and it was the biggest that I had ever been!

Todd had met me at my heaviest!! I cant believe that he met me at my heaviest I have ever been!! Like seriously why or how could he fall in love with me when at that stage I didn’t love or even know myself? He told me and still tells me that he fell in love with the person inside of me and that he loved me for who I am as a person, but being that person who has struggled for years with confidence it did little to make me believe it.  Anyway I decided that if he can like me for me then why can’t I?  So after some health issues and being diagnosed with PCOS I decided that something needed to be done (at that stage we didn’t know that we would be infertile) in order for us to have a family and for my pcos to calm the fuck down to let me be a normal female! So I decided that I needed overhaul my lifestyle which included being real about my weight and not push it off to “I’ll do it Monday”.  I said to Todd shit is about to get real as I am going to overhaul my life.  I needed to change to see the beauty that Todd saw in me! Todd bless him decided that this was going to be journey in which we needed to make together if I was going to be serious about this.  So we both plucked up the courage to join the local gym.  This has been something in which I have denied for so long as I was scared to go the gym and the judgement I feared would come in joining the gym from other gym goers.  But this was a fear that soon was lost as I walked in the doors of Just Work Out and finally admitted I needed help.  Todd was going on his own health overhaul as well….he was giving up smoking!! (This was going to be a fun household….my cut of bad foods and his smokes what a fun time we were about to have!)

I decided that if I was going to lose this serious amount of weight …about 30kgs I needed to do it right first time….and one way I could do this was having a personal trainer! I was introduced to Dan who was at the gym and this has been something in which I am sure was destiny! He has been my support in so many ways, not just fat killer or someone who yells at me to do 50 more reps of leg extensions! He has been a person who has made me see that I can do something if I put my mind to it! We set little goals and I was upfront with him why I needed to lose weight! He was real with me and over time has pushed me further than I ever thought I would get to!

Soon weight started to drop off…which I did not think would happen! But like any weight loss I lost motivation at some point and I hit a wall where no weight came off and I started to think what was the point! He was there every time with support but it was only so much he could do for me…I had to do the rest.  So I looked at my eating and what I was putting into my mouth and decided that I needed help in that part as well.  So I came across Papps Nutrition which introduced me to eating smaller meals throughout the day and I was back on track again.  It was no easy feat and was so draining getting use to that way of eating! But the weight started dropping off again!! By the end of the program plan of 6 weeks I had lost another 10kgs! Which was huge!

I went back to my doctor as I was still having issues with regular periods! It was funny as she just about fell over at the change that I had gone through.  She decided to refer me onto the fertility clinic even though she did warn me that I probably wouldn’t get an appointment due to having a high bmi reading.  At this point it had come down from over 40 at the beginning of the year to around 37.  But I quickly learnt that for the appointment you can pay money to get the appointment, but to get it free you need to have a bmi of 32.  I quickly began to hate the Body Mass Index! It was and still is a stupid way addressing how healthy a person is just by their weight and size.  So I began to look at my weight loss from another important angle….in order to potentially start a family I needed to get my BMI down.  This was happening as Todd’s health was declining and the need for that important surgery.

So I continued with losing weight making myself healthy and supporting Todd! All was on track I started to get regular cycles with continuing to lose weight.  Then we were hit a hard tall brick wall….surgery was going to stop our chances naturally conceiving! IVF would be our only chance of having a baby!

This meant that my weight loss needed to happen and happen fast!  Suddenly it went from just having a healthy body and outlook on life turned into okay I need to lose weight for us to have a family.  The BMI was rearing its ugly head again and started taunting me.  The reason being with IVF to increase the chances of falling pregnant women need to be at a BMI level of 32 exactly! But I thought to myself okay stop, you have gone from a BMI of over 40 at the beginning of the year to a 35ish, an effort to be proud of.

July this photo was taken of myself and it shows how much I have changed!!

This was at the point before I needed to kick my weightloss in to over drive.

So eating changed so many times, tears were shed at the gym when I couldn’t push my body hard enough and things got rolling again.

Today as I am writing to you, I am at my lowest weight I have ever been at. I know that this journey is not over, but I look at myself in the mirror and can honestly say I am proud of what I have achieved so far….I have lost a total of 18kgs when the right photo was taken.  I am proud of the healthier new me that is emerging.  I am starting to love myself for more than just what I look like.  Hell look at what has happened so far…look at what we have gone through to get to where we are!!  I am loving the fact that clothes that once were way to tight for me and didnt fit me are now too big to even wear! I love seeing the progress that has been made.  I love that I am putting my health first above everything else!! I love life! Even though life you can throw some bitchy things in my way….I know that I can achieve my goals! Look at this photo it shows so much more then the words I am writing!! 


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